Intimacy problems in marriage: what couples found helped

It is the hardest thing to talk about and one of the most common struggles. Couples share, anonymously, what helped them reconnect.

What couples told us

8% of 529 people who described a hard season named intimacy as one of the main challenges.

Based on 529 responses · updated 13 November 2026 · How we count

Asked what helped most, the most common answer was friends (25% of 44).

Show the numbers

Answer	People	%
Friends	11	25%
Pastor, imam or faith leader	-	Hidden (fewer than 10)
Nothing helped	-	Hidden (fewer than 10)
My family	-	Hidden (fewer than 10)
A book, course or seminar	-	Hidden (fewer than 10)
My spouse's family	-	Hidden (fewer than 10)
Online groups or social media	-	Hidden (fewer than 10)
Elders	-	Hidden (fewer than 10)
No one	0	0%
Professional counsellor	0	0%
Mentor or older couple	0	0%
Other	0	0%

Based on 44 responses · updated 13 November 2026 · How we count

The thing people most often said made it worse: friends or family taking sides (55% of 44).

Show the numbers

Answer	People	%
Friends or family taking sides	24	54.5%
Silent treatment	21	47.7%
Involving too many people	18	40.9%
Threatening divorce	17	38.6%
Leaving home	11	25%
Revenge	-	Hidden (fewer than 10)
Social media	-	Hidden (fewer than 10)
Other	0	0%

Based on 44 responses · updated 13 November 2026 · How we count

Married 11-20 years · Money · Together today

We have been married for 11 to 20 years. Ours is a customary marriage. We have three or more children. We live in Coast.

Both spouses' sides

1Talk about it at a calm time, not in the bedroom after a rejection.
2Tiredness, stress and hurt feelings often sit behind intimacy problems. Look at those first.
3Intimacy is never owed or forced. Consent matters inside marriage too.

Being hit, threatened or controlled is not a rough patch - it is abuse, and it is never your fault. Help is free and confidential, for women and men.