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How children change a marriage - and how couples adjusted

A new baby, teenagers, disagreements about discipline or school. Couples share the strain and what helped them stay a team.

Parents and children together on the sofa
Photo: Gabby K / Pexels

What couples told us

How many named this challenge

12%

12% of 529 people who described a hard season named children or parenting as one of the main challenges.

Based on 529 responses · updated 13 November 2026 · How we count

What helped most

Asked what helped most, the most common answer was nothing helped (26% of 62).
Show the numbers
AnswerPeople%
Nothing helped1625.8%
Pastor, imam or faith leader1422.6%
Friends-Hidden (fewer than 10)
Professional counsellor-Hidden (fewer than 10)
Elders-Hidden (fewer than 10)
Mentor or older couple-Hidden (fewer than 10)
My family-Hidden (fewer than 10)
My spouse's family-Hidden (fewer than 10)
A book, course or seminar-Hidden (fewer than 10)
No one00%
Online groups or social media00%
Other00%

Based on 62 responses · updated 13 November 2026 · How we count

What did not help

The thing people most often said made it worse: involving too many people (53% of 62).
Show the numbers
AnswerPeople%
Involving too many people3353.2%
Silent treatment2845.2%
Friends or family taking sides2235.5%
Threatening divorce1829%
Revenge-Hidden (fewer than 10)
Social media-Hidden (fewer than 10)
Leaving home-Hidden (fewer than 10)
Other00%

Based on 62 responses · updated 13 November 2026 · How we count

How they built through it

Fight fair on this

  • 1Agree on discipline in private, then stand together in front of the children.
  • 2Never argue in front of the children; if it starts, pause and finish it later.
  • 3Protect a little time for the two of you, even 20 minutes after the children sleep.
Read the Fight Fair guide

If you are not safe

Being hit, threatened or controlled is not a rough patch - it is abuse, and it is never your fault. Help is free and confidential, for women and men.

Abuse vs conflict, and how to plan for safety